Have you ever felt like you are a version of the person someone else wanted you to be? There have been times when I have felt like I just want to be the real me and not who my husband, mother, or children want me to be but just me.

Deep down inside, I know who she looks like, and I must say I am closer to being authentic with myself every day and not caring what others think of me.

Today I was watching American Idol and found myself jealous, yes, jealous of the quirky singers. 

You know the ones. The singers that wear whatever makes them feel true to themselves regardless of what others may think about them.

I thought to myself I know there are others out there who wish they are not fake and want to be genuine without worrying about judgment.

For women especially this can be hard with the media judging us every step of the way, but there are ways to draw deep into yourself and get to the place of not caring about the judgment.

Here are some strategies to help get you there.

~Take time to get to know who you are

I know this may sound very simplistic but stay with me. It takes a lot of soul-searching and asking yourself this question.

What things do I do in my everyday life to just fit in?

Now think carefully about this question. Think about how you interact with people and how you respond to certain situations. I can remember things my mother taught me that I did not find to be true to myself.

One of those well-meaning things that was suggested to me was I always needed to be perfectly dressed.  

I can tell you, I was always the best dressed at the party and sometimes overdressed. Of course, the idea was it was better to be overdressed than underdressed.

What I learned from that was I felt like I was dressing to please other people. 

That has never been my personality even as a child.  

I can remember always feeling like I had to smile and be pleasant even when I was having a bad day. This taught me to hide my feelings believing people didn’t need to know.

Fitting into a crowd is like buying shoes for a stranger and hoping they fit. 

It is a complete guessing game.

Solution: Do not just try to fit into a crowd, make sure the crowd is a good fit for you.

~Do things that benefit you instead of constantly trying to please others

I completely understand the demands that come with parenting or taking care of parents and the fact that some things are non-negotiable. However, believe me when I say the best you is the greatest gift you can give them.

For years, I wore my hair with a part on the side and side bangs that covered half my face. I was told that style was the prettiest for me because it hid the acne I had on my face. 

Did it look cute? Yes.

Here is the problem, I hated my hair in my face and constantly either put it in a ponytail or pulled it behind my ears. Believe me, you cannot hide acne. My solution was to learn how to control my acne so I could show my face and not hide it.

When we are constantly doing things to benefit others and not ourselves, we are showing with do not value who we are or our time. It is okay to help but those opportunities should not overshadow our self-care.

Solution: Make yourself a priority first and EVERYTHING else is second. This may mean seeking assistance from someone else or delegating the workload.

~Wear clothes that express your personality

Okay, so before you begin telling me, ‘all clothes are not made for everybody type’ let me assure you, I get it. That is not what I am talking about here.

 If you feel like you want to wear bright fluorescent pink or bright red lipstick one day then do it! All I am saying is to wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself.

 Many times, women dress to attract a man. I know this is a touchy subject but let me say this. What is most attractive to a man is confidence more so than cleavage. 

Attractiveness is in how you walk and how you talk.  

Just be you!!!

Solution:  Re-evaluate your wardrobe and keep only those pieces of clothing that make you feel 100% who you are and what you want to represent.

~Be comfortable being alone

 I will be the first person to tell you I absolutely treasure my alone time. Without it, I feel stifled.  

This is not easy to come by when you are raising children or have your hands in every available assignment your job or church puts out there.

However, it is so important to figure out a way to have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time to yourself. Your friends and family will thank you.

You must learn how to be comfortable with no one around. It is during those times when you can hear and hopefully listen to those thoughts in your head.

Being comfortable just hanging out with yourself can be liberating. It will teach you that you don’t need to be entertained by other people.

 As Beyonce said in her song Me, Myself, and I,

 “I took a vow from now on I’m gon’ be my own best friend…”

 You should be your own best friend first. This comes with identifying why you like yourself.

         Solution: Learn how to surround yourself with the things that make you happy in your alone time (candles, music, a good book, Netflix, lol)

~Know what are your best qualities 

This a question I want you to think about carefully. Often, we will think about the qualities other people think about us. What do you think they are?

For example, people have always told me I was smart. I don’t see myself as smart but more as someone who works hard. 

If I wanted to get good grades in school, I had to study more than others. So, I would say I am a hard worker.

Write them down and refer to them during those times when you struggle with self-worth. We all have those moments. Especially when we ‘decide’ to listen to the critics around us who may try to throw us off our game.

Your three best qualities will be what you feel at your core. It could be that you are very organized or an outstanding cook. Think of basic words to describe who you are.

Be more specific than nice, kind, or friendly.

You may find this to be difficult at first but really take some time to think about the question. Be honest with yourself and dig deep.

If you are not sure, here is a link to the Myers Briggs Personality Test. It is free and will help you identify what type of person you are. The questions will help narrow down your personality style.

This will help you become clearer on what your best qualities are by showing how your personality affects who you are.

                 Solution: Get to know who you are by using what you learned from the Myers Briggs Personality Test and appreciate those strengths.

Being authentic takes practice. You will get there if you are struggling, be patient with yourself and learn more about what makes you tick.

Living a life that is based on what is true to your core values of who you are will help you live a more productive and purposeful life. You will know why you get out of bed in the morning.

You will learn how to teach people how to treat you because you know what does and does not make you happy.

Being authentic shows others how comfortable you are in your own skin. Your confidence will shine and each decision you make will be aligned with what is best for you.

It is my goal to help you take the small steps toward living your best life possible.

Remember, Micro steps Massive life!

OXO

Claudia