Have you ever said yes to something when you know you should have said no? That has happened to me more times than I care to mention. Setting boundaries on your time is as easy as saying no. Together let’s learn 6 strategies to setting boundaries on your time.
- Wait before you give an answer
- Understand you have the right to do what is best for you
- Trust your instincts
- Consider how you will feel when you decide
- Schedule your time
- Be confident in your decision
Knowing how to set boundaries with your time can be challenging when you have so many people pulling you in different directions. You want to be able to help or attend an event but in your gut you know you are overextending yourself.
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Breathe….
It is okay to say you cannot do something.
- Wait before you give an answer
You do not, I repeat, do not have to give an answer immediately. It is generally at those times when you give an answer you are unsure about.
Never feel pressured to give an answer without giving it much thought. You may find once you take some time to think about it, you may be busy during that time.
It is perfectly fine to let the other person know you will get back to them shortly. Think about your answer first. This teaches you how to manage your time on your terms.
Once you have taken time to think about your answer and you are confident in your decision, contact the person and give them your response.
You will both benefit from an honest, well thought out answer than a hasty one.
- Understand you have the right to do what is best for you
You should be your number one fan. This means any decision you make must FIRST benefit you. When you look at your decision this way, you will learn how much better you will feel.
Here is a perfect example, you get invited to a party on a day when you know your schedule it too full to add anything else to it. Immediately, you know you should let them know you have other obligations, but you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
You spend the next 24 hours thinking about how you can tell them no or worse, you tell them yes and stress about how you are going to make everything happen.
Are they sitting around stressing about your answer? No. They have gone about their day. Meanwhile, you knew you could have taken five minutes and thought about your day and given them answer that makes YOU feel good.
If they are not happy with your decision, they will be fine.
The opposite is true too. If you had given them a decision that benefitted them solely, you would not have been happy because your day would be over-extended and you would be stressed.
That is not a good way to live.
Don’t get me wrong. Obviously, there will be times when you will need to make decisions that may push your limits. For example, you need to help a friend in an emergency or your child forgot to tell you about a parent teacher meeting you must attend.
Things happen.
Learning how to set boundaries will make you more aware of how to manage those situations when they happen.
- Trust your instincts
How many times have you been invited to go somewhere and instinctively you KNOW you don’t want to go? You know what I mean. You get invited to an event that you know you will not be comfortable going to.
If you have an instinctive No hanging on your tongue, then by all means say No. Take a breath and give them your answer.
Be respectful and say something like:
“Unfortunately, I will not be able to make it but thanks for the invitation”
This should close the door to the “why” question. You have been courteous with your response and respectful.
If they do decide they want to know why, remember you do not owe them an explanation. However, if you want to give one you can always say you have a previous engagement.
You know your engagement may be to lay on your couch all day and veg out on Netflix and that is OKAY.
Your instincts have told you not to change your plans.
- Consider how you will feel when you decide
How do you feel when you make a decision that you know is best for you? You feel amazing! There is no greater feeling then deciding to do something you know will make you feel good.
Sometimes it may be difficult because it may cause someone else to be uncomfortable with your decision. You hate that. I know.
The flip side of that is not feeling good about your decision.
This may come from making a decision too quickly without much thought or making a decision to please someone else. Both can cause your grief.
Remember that amazing feeling your felt when you made a good decision when you are faced with a challenging decision.
Good decisions create change.
You should feel good about any decision you make even if it is uncomfortable. For example, making the decision to wake up early to workout is a great decision but it may be difficult to hear that alarm clock go off.
We have all been there. DO IT ANYWAY!
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- Schedule your time
I cannot emphasize this enough. Schedule your time. If you don’t, someone else will.
This may mean using an electronic calendar on your electronic device, using a planner, or making a daily to do list with time blocks. Here is a great link to a time blocking video that has helped me a lot and the planner I buy every year.
Knowing when you plan to do the things on your to-do list frees your mind to focus on those projects.
I have a schedule for most of the things I do especially housework, kid stuff, and writing. Without knowing when I am going to get all my laundry done drives me crazy. My wash days are Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings as soon as I wake up.
It has made my life so much easier.
If you work from home, you must be diligent about scheduling your day. There are so many distractions at home that can get you off track and pull you in many different directions.
Make time for those things are the Must-Dos for the day. Limit them to 3 major goals for the days. Everything else should be scheduled around those 3 things.
Prioritizing what is important should be around those things is your first goal. You always know what they are but sometimes they are the least fun things to do.
Do these things FIRST!
Mel Robbins wrote a book called The Five Second Rule. It is life changing! The book teaches you the importance of making a decision in 5 seconds counting backwards, 5,4,3,2,1.
Check it out!
- Be confident in your decision
Nothing feels better than knowing you make decisions you can be proud of. Feeling confident that you made a decision that was in your best interest and sometimes also in the best interest of everyone involved is so important.
You will gain that confidence the more you repeatedly make good decisions. Keep in mind, there may be times when you made a decision you were confident about making and things don’t go as planned.
That’s just life telling you you cannot control everything.
However, you can control how you do things and the considerations you take before responding to a request.
Making sure you are in the right frame of mind when there is a choice to be made can help you remove all the emotion before you give an answer.
That alone will give you confidence.
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I can remember times when my decisions were based out of fear, hurt, or anger. Those are not good times to decide ANYTHING.
Take a step back, clear your head and then revisit the choices.
So, there you have it! Learning how to set boundaries in 6 easy steps. Once you learn how to navigate successfully through these steps, you will find yourself more ready to accept challenges.
It is a process and it takes being patient with yourself. You will notice that people around you will see the change in you. People who are used to you always saying yes will learn to appreciate you setting boundaries for yourself.
Your relationships will change for the better. Better for you for sure!
Believe it or not, people do not like people they can push around. When you do not set boundaries for your life people will take advantage of you.
Don’t be that person. Use the steps that have been outlined for you to help reshape your life.
You will learn to not run away from decisions but instead you will face them head on knowing how to achieve an outcome that is best for you.
Claudia